A few weeks ago, I read something somewhere (probably this or this) that said everyone is grieving something right now. The loss of a loved one. The loss of a job. The loss of face-to-face social interaction. The loss of what could have been.
I mentioned earlier this week, but I’m having a tough emotional time right now (along with, probably, everyone else on the planet). Before all this started, my Grandma Sue passed away after fighting cancer for a few years. I last saw her during the Christmas holidays, and I won’t ever forget how excited she was to see me (my visit to the nursing home where she was staying was a surprise). She was as lively as ever and was most concerned (at the time) with her fussy roommate and her lack of hair products in the nursing home. Even though a little part of me knew, at the time, that it was probably the last time I’d see her, there was a little part of me that thought I might be able to take a trip back to Wisconsin to see her again in the spring. I was talking with my Dad a few weeks ago, and we’re both glad she passed on her own terms and not due to coronavirus. We probably wouldn’t have been able to visit her at all if she was still around since she would have been considered “high-risk.”
So… I was dealing with some non-pandemic grief before all this started. My Grandma was my last living grandparent, and it felt good to get to know her more as a person as I got older. Does that even make sense? Of course she was a person when I was a child. But there’s a different perspective you gain as an adult (meaning me) when you have the opportunity to get to know someone else as another adult (meaning my Grandma). It’s something I’ve been feeling with my parents over the last few years. You can get to talk about real-world things and not tip-toe around certain topics. You know what I mean?
Anyways.
I’m now grieving more superficial things – or, perhaps, less histrionically – I’m coming to terms with certain truths. Things that just are what they are right now. My boyfriend and I were planning to move this month (from an apartment unit and building that neither of us particularly enjoy living in), but decided to re-sign our lease for another year because we don’t feel comfortable moving into a (relatively) sight-unseen apartment right now (or having movers touch everything we own). So, in addition to staying in an undesirable apartment for another year, we continue to spend every waking and sleeping moment of every day inside of it. I will say that it definitely helps that we both dislike living here. Makes the complaining more fun!
I’m now also coming to terms with a few trips and vacations that likely will not happen. At least not in the foreseeable future. It’s a really bitter pill to swallow. I know trips are a luxury, but we were just beginning to travel more and see more of the world and other cultures. It’s hard to see something you’ve saved and planned for… start to fall apart. I’m still holding out hope for our trip (currently planned for September), but I’m not holding my breath.
This is not the happiest of posts, so (if you’ve read this far) I leave you with something that I hope brings a smile to your face. Here are two options:
- Look at this pizza baby (very cute)
- Drunk pig (very funny: watch full video with volume ON – I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time!)
xo
Photo by TOMOKO UJI on Unsplash
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