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loss

Pink flowers and green leaves. Photo by TOMOKO UJI on Unsplash

Coming to Terms // May 14, 2020

A few weeks ago, I read something somewhere that said everyone is grieving something right now.

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A belated IG happy birthday to this one 💙 (phot

A belated IG happy birthday to this one 💙 (photo from the before-times).

I’ve gone back and forth deciding if I should sh

I’ve gone back and forth deciding if I should share anything today because I don’t really want the attention. But then I realized that’s the whole point of #WorldMentalHealthDay - to shed a light on mental health and break the stigma. I’ve been embarrassed to talk about my struggles with mental health because I worry what other people will think. I don’t want sympathy. I don’t want others to think I’m weak, fragile, or unreliable. So, now that that’s out of the way, I’d like to share a little about my experience with mental health.

I’ve struggled with anxiety my entire life. I constantly worry about doing or saying the wrong thing, I replay moments in my head over and over and over, and I often get trapped in a doom spiral. I’m not shy, but I do get socially anxious and public speaking is the death of me. About 3 years ago, I woke up every morning with an absolute dread for the day. And not just “oh I wish I didn’t have to get up and go to work today.” I’m talking about “something terrible will happen today, I just know it.” Every day. Every little thing that went wrong felt like the end of the world. I didn’t know what “sense of impending doom” meant until i was experiencing it. I blamed it on Trump being president and attempted to move on with my life.

It wasn’t until later in 2019 (2 full years later) that my anxiety was manifesting as depression (which I’ve also struggled with in the past). I finally sought help this February (just in time for the pandemic!), and I really wish I’d done it sooner. Part of the problem was that I didn’t think my issues could be helped (wrong). The other part was that I didn’t think my issues were “that bad” compared to others. But that’s the thing - if something feels off with you (even if it doesn’t seem bad “enough”), try talking to someone about it. Even just saying “I feel a little off.” Especially right now.

*continued in comments!!*

Breonna Taylor deserves justice.

Breonna Taylor deserves justice.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Happy birthday to my amazing sister-in-law @jennel

Happy birthday to my amazing sister-in-law @jennell.loeffler ❤️🤗👑🎈 miss you guys!

💐🎭💜 To all professionals in the film, tel

💐🎭💜 To all professionals in the film, television, theater, entertainment, and arts world, join the challenge to post a photo of you in your job. Just a picture, no description. The goal is to flood social media with our profession. Copy the text and post a pic! #savethearts

A belated (Instagram) happy anniversary to @rocker

A belated (Instagram) happy anniversary to @rockeratheart 💕 thanks for sitting next to me on the bus all those years ago, telling me a joke, and encouraging me to sign up for the drama program. I love you so much, and there are not many other people I’d rather be quarantined in less than 500 sq ft with right now. But it’d also be nice to not be quarantined 😘

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